My (a)sexuality

Sex. It’s everywhere. In every song, every movie, every book. It’s unavoidable. And it seems like everyone wants it all the time. Well, everyone except for me.

I’m 21 years old right now. And it may seem very strange to you, but I’ve never wanted to have sex before. I’ve never even really thought about it. Am I a weirdo? Nahh, I’m just asexual. What’s that you ask? That’s easy! It basically just means that I do not experience sexual attraction, to any gender whatsoever.

Asexuality is kind of a hidden sexuality. Everyone knows someone who’s gay or straight, but do you really know that many asexual people? Well, you might! Some studies state that about 1% of the population is asexual, but that just seems wrong. I mean, I’m pretty special, but I’m not that special 😀

You might have never heard of asexuality, but that’s just because many people just don’t seem to care. It’s also something not a lot of people have thought about before. Everyone just always assumes you’re single because you’re not attractive or whatever, not that it’s because you don’t experience certain feelings 🙂 There are so many more sexualities than hetero, gay or bi! You’d be surprised how little they taught you in school. Sexuality is a spectrum. And if you ask me, I’d even say it’s fluid. This infographic gives a quick and easy overview of the sexuality spectrum.

So how did I know I was asexual? I’ve known ever since I was a child that I wasn’t “normal”. While my classmates were drooling about boys, I never really seemed to care that much. I was friends with boys and girls, though, I just never thought they would ever be more than that. Something always seemed off, I just couldn’t point out what that was exactly. Maybe I just hadn’t hit puberty yet? The next seemingly obvious thing was that I was gay. Because if I didn’t drool about boys, maybe I should drool about girls? Nope. Girls had no effect on me either. Maybe my salivary glands were just broken!?

And I’m not against sex, by the way. I just don’t really feel like having it myself. You can do whatever you want, I don’t care. Well, as long as there’s consent.

At about 16 years old I started doing a little research (oh, how I love the internet) and I came across asexuality. But I couldn’t find a lot about it then, you can’t even find a lot about it now. So it seemed like something made up. Because if it was real, there’d be a lot more information about it or I’d at least know someone who was asexual, too, right? I held on to the word, though. Because somehow it gave me comfort. Comfort that maybe there were people out there like me. People who didn’t drool about other people. People who were fine on their own. The world felt a little less scary from that point on.

My sexuality wasn’t something I talked about. People just assumed I was too awkward or scared to have a boyfriend. “You’ll find the right person” they all said. And all I did was shrug and awkwardly laugh. They would never understand. Because not wanting a relationship was weird, right?

Until one night when I was on a trip to Prague with 3 friends. The topic of me being hopelessly single came up again, and I was just going to let it pass until one of my friends said “Don’t you know by now? She’s asexual”. And in that moment it was like a weight fell off my shoulders and I was just like YES I AM! And then everything fell into place. That’s all it took! One person actually speaking my internal thoughts out loud.

So I started telling my friends when the topic came up, but I didn’t have the guts to tell my family yet. They wouldn’t care, I knew that, but for some reason I felt like they just wouldn’t understand. My mom was even telling me she’d “be fine with it if I was gay”. Thanks I guess? Not that you should even try NOT being okay with that, because why wouldn’t you be??? Everyone I told was like “dafuq is that” but once I explained, it mostly turned into “oh yeah, that makes a lot of sense”. I have had a few people say that it’s not real or that it’s stupid and I should just man up and find a partner, though. But fck them!

About a year ago, I got tired of my brothers teasing me and my mother pushing me to find a partner. So during one of our family days, I just told them I was asexual and that they shouldn’t expect me to come home with anyone soon. How did they react? They said “Okay, cool, why should we care?” and asked me to pass the mayonnaise… I love my family 🙂 My mom still doesn’t really understand, though. I’m not really allowed to tell any of her friends (or anyone at all really) when they ask me if I’m still single and she still pushes me to date. But it’s whatever, I guess. Maybe one day she’ll understand. Or maybe she won’t, who knows…

One thing has recently changed, though! I’ve developed a little crush on someone. Oops. It’s taken me 21 years, but I finally have a crush, huzzah! And yes, I can have a crush and still be asexual. There’s a difference between sexual attraction and romantic attraction. Let’s put it this way: they make me feel all warm inside (which is very nice), but that’s all… Or it is for now at least. Who knows what will happen in the future!

Life, man!

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